OK, I’ll see you later. (Yes.) You always surprise me. Hallo. Are you alright? (Yes.) Still many around here? (Yes.) Not bad. Oh, you’re still here and they told me you’re gone. This guy! Yeah, you. (Tomorrow morning.) You were invited, but you missed your chance. Perhaps you have learned the art of invisibility, we can’t find you. Too bad, just to let you know now. So your mouth can water. OK. I’ll tell you a few jokes to wake you up first from your sleeping.
There was Khrushchev? (Khrushchev.) Khrushchev. Russia. He went to see one of your presidents. I don’t know who, I forgot. And so, your president, the American president, gave him a present, a real atom bomb but a small one, small one just for fun. He said, “Well, keep it. But be careful, it’s real. If you make a mistake, the outcome would be terrible, it could be a disaster. It’s real. Even though it looks small, it’s real.” So Khrushchev said, “Alright, thank you very much. Now, I present you this guy, he’s our finance minister. You should be careful with him, otherwise it would be more disastrous than the atom bomb.”
And another joke. There was a boy who went to the neighbor and rang the bell of the neighbor. So there was a lady, a young lady came out and opened the door and asked him: “What’s the matter?” So the boy said, “Did you see my dog(-person) run into your garden here, into your house here?” So the girl said, “No. But why did you think that he came to my house instead of another house?” So the boy said, “Well, I have to say something like this, otherwise how can I get to know you?” That’s one of the tricks. Just like there was a guy who was driving on the highway, and then suddenly he saw a guy was running, just waving for hitchhiking, waving for a lift, and so he stopped. And then he saw the guy from the corner of the street just run to him and looking very tired, exhausted like something was very urgent. So he opened the door and let him come in. So after he came in and he drove away, and then he asked the hitchhiker, “What’s the matter? What’s wrong? You look in such a state of desperation and emergency.” So the boy said, “Well, I always pretend to look like that, otherwise I never get a lift.” At least he’s honest. (Yes.)
There was one person. He was famous for being very miserly. So one day it happened that he was drowning in the river, and then he was shouting for help, “Help me, help me, SOS!” and all that. And then there was a man with a boat rolling around, and said, “OK, I could help you, but it’s $100.” So the man said, “What? $50, alright?” He’s bargaining, “$50, alright?” The boy said, “No.” I said $100 and it’s $100.” So the drowning man said, “Oh, I’d rather drown.”
Did I tell you a story about the faith, similar story? There was a man who fell from a cliff and was hanging like a cliffhanger, hanging on a branch of a tree; he missed death by one millimeter. So he was shouting for help “Help me, help me! Save my life!” So nobody answered. Then he kept shouting again, “Oh, please, God, please help me! Nobody’s here! God, You must help me!” And then suddenly there was a voice from the sky saying, “I can help you, but you must trust me completely, 100%.” And so, the man hanging on the branch of the tree said, “Yes, yes, God, I trust You 100%, completely. Please help me quickly. I can’t hold on anymore.” So God said, “OK, now you let go of your hand and then I will save you.” So the man said, “Oh, God. Is anybody else out there?” One hundred percent trust. I think you know that story already. Right? (No.) No? You didn’t? (No.) OK.
There’s another story. Just to wake you up. A man came back from work and then saw his five-year-old son who came running to him and said, “Oh, Papa, Papa, the wardrobe! There’s a ghost inside the wardrobe in your bedroom. There’s a ghost inside.” So papa said, “No, there’s nothing there, honey. You must be mistaken.” He said, “No, Papa, I saw him, I saw him. There’s a ghost inside your wardrobe, in your bedroom.” And then he dragged the papa to his bedroom. So the papa just to show the baby that there’s nothing there, he just opened the wardrobe and said, “Now, look here there’s nothing inside. I will show you. There’s no ghost, nothing, you will see.” And he opened, and he saw his best friend hiding inside the wardrobe in his own bedroom. And his best friend hiding there with his birthday suit on. And so, my God, the friend just stood there trembling. And the father dragged the best friend out and scolded him severely, and nearly cried, saying, “My God, John, all my life I trusted you. All my life I respected you. All my life I helped you. I helped you when the lawyer wanted to confiscate your property because you didn’t have the money to pay mortgage. All my life I respected you and loved you so much. And now, look at what you do. You repay me this way. You have nothing else to do except to pretend to be a ghost to scare my five-year-old son like this!? And that’s how you repay me!?” You don’t understand? (I understand.) You do, huh? OK. So don’t pretend to be a ghost and scare your neighbors’ children. You too, women as well. There are ghosts from both sexes. Female ghosts and male ghosts. Don’t you be any of them.
Alright, so now let’s pretend to be Buddhas and do something about this Buddha business. See, there are some short stories. Or you want to continue? I think we continue with the Shiva business. There is a nice story here. A Christian scholar who believed that the Bible is absolute Gospel. Nothing can ever go wrong, and everything that is written in the Bible is correct. So, one time a scientist had been questioning him, saying something like this, “According to the Bible, our world was created around 5,000 years ago. But we have discovered many bones and relics that point to life on Earth at least a million years back. So what do you say then?” So the Bible scholar said to him, “When God created Earth 5,000 years ago, Hes knew that we would doubt Hirm, so Hes deliberately, on purpose, put these bones there to test our faith, to see whether we would believe the science or believe Hirm.” That’s the answer.
There was a rabbi, fed up with people always asking him questions and never seeking the answers within themselves. So, he put up a sign outside his synagogue. He said, “Any two questions, $100; $100 and you can have two questions answered. No free gifts anymore.” He put it there. And of course, not many people came to ask him anymore, since it costs $100 for a pair. But there were some wealthy people who were curious and wanted also to ask something since they can afford it. So they came to the rabbi, put the $100 there, and wanted to ask questions. And so the rabbi said, “OK, now you can, if you want. You paid, you’re entitled to two questions.” So one of the wealthy persons said, “Isn’t $100 too expensive for two questions?” And the rabbi said, “Yes, it is. Now, what is the second question?” Later, I will do the same trick to you. So you don’t ask me all kinds of nonsense anymore.
Photo Caption: “A Dove for Peace from the Sun. Tku”
