In a family, a man must be a man. To make a good example for your sons later. And a woman should be a woman, to make a good example of femininity for the daughters in the future. Each one must have their place and take care of their own duty. You do your best. You go out to earn your money and you take care of your family. You love your wife and be faithful, as I have taught you. […] Don’t you ever think that if you always subdue yourself to your wife’s power, she will love and respect you more. No, no, no, no. I can guarantee you, no woman will like that. […]
As a good practitioner, as a good provider of the house, you are more worthy than gold. You don’t gamble, you don’t drink, you don’t go out and flirt around with women. I think you are the best men in the world. So you deserve better treatment at home. And if you don’t get it, it’s your fault. (Yes.) You have a duty to keep your respectable standard for your children’s sake, for your wife’s sake, and for your own sake, and for anybody else who comes into contact with you. If you can’t do that, don’t call yourself a man. And I don’t care for any excuses.
I teach you to live in harmony with your family, but I don’t teach you to be a coward, to subdue to any kind of evils and unjust treatment. Because that’s no good. You sow karma for the person who persecutes you. If you cannot make it right, forget it. Or rather live as a bachelor. Try to be, of course, as peaceful as much as you can be, but be a man after all. Show people where they are wrong and where you’re meant to be right, and things like that. And talk together and bring them into understanding and try to live a proper life. Any man who is too dependent on a woman, who is too obedient to a woman, will never get respect from the wife, and never have any rights in the family. If you want to be a donkey(-person), just earn the money and bring it home, and then just be. But if you call yourself a husband and a man, I think you need more practice, more courage, and more rightful thinking about what a man should be. (Yes.)
OK. I won’t go into lecturing you too much. You’d say what do I know. I’m only a woman. But I do know, because I’m a woman, so I know. I know what a woman wants from a man. You understand? (Yes.) That’s why many highly positioned women, they hardly find a husband, because nobody dares to match up to her. Look at me. Because women, if they are already very intelligent and capable, they expect their men to be better than that. So at least you are equal.
To respect a wife doesn’t mean you’re afraid of her or worship her. You have to be equal, at least. Otherwise, what do you want? How does a woman respect you when you have nothing? You don’t show your own personality. You dare not argue when there should be a point of correction, and things like that. How can a woman respect you? And that’s how all women become bad, because of the men’s fault. Not because the women are fierce or bad or manipulative or demanding, but because men are so lousy. They keep just stepping backward, backward. They just keep retreating and retreating. Just backing down all the time, and women keep advancing. And so, step by step, you have no more territory left. Today you don’t answer. Tomorrow, you don’t answer. Next day, you say, “Yes, yes,” and the next day you’re gone. There’s only a woman left in your house and her handbag goes running after her. It’s no good. If I were a wife, I would not respect such a husband.
You’re strong because you radiate some strong spirit from inside. You’re self-confident, you know that you are correct. You know that you’re virtuous. You know that you are a dutiful and faithful husband. You know you are a good man, so you have nothing to fear from anybody. If the woman talks too much, tell her to go and choose someone else. Because you have done your best, because you know you’re the best man that you can ever be. So there’s nothing to fear. Understand? (Yes.) If you have done your duty correctly, then you should demand that she also does her duty correctly; should respect her husband. Otherwise, there are many other places she can go to choose. (Yes.) So if she did not see the point that you are such a good husband already, then tell her, “OK, if I’m not good enough for you, goodbye.” There’s no need to stay there and make trouble, because you cannot do any better.
You are faithful, you earn money and you love her, only occasionally you go on retreat and you have to ask for her permission? I will laugh until the day my hair turns gray, hearing such tales. I say, “What?” You are turning the table upside down. You earn your money, you take care, you provide for the whole family, and when they have enough, whatever you need, you take. You don’t go out for gambling; you don’t take the money out for giving other girls or doing any bad things. You go to better yourself even. The money you spend to come here for retreat is well spent. The best way ever in your life to spend money – to become a better person. A better person for whom? For me? I live with you? No. Who will benefit? Who? Your wife, your children are the most direct beneficiaries of all, and then later your boss, and then your company, and then your friends and relatives, and then your country, wherever you live. I benefit nothing. What do I care how you live? Do I care how you live and do I know? I don’t even know. You live far away from me. All I do is offer you my best and you take it or leave it.
So, you have to show your wives how to behave and show them the correct thinking so as to save them from the trouble of hell. You have a duty to teach her to be a good person. Not that I have a duty to teach you only. You have to go home and teach your wife, especially. If you cannot teach anybody else, at least you teach your wife, how to behave and what is the correct thinking, how to be a good wife. Of course she might not listen to you, but at least you show. And whatever the outcome, you take responsibility. The worst could be that she’s not suitable for you because she doesn’t change. She’s the opposite of your quality. So whatever she chooses to do or wherever she chooses to go, well, that will be GOD’s Will. But you do your duty. Understand now? (Yes.) I am sure you do.
Let’s come back to Buddha business. Forget your wife now. Why did I go so far to wife and all that? We have been in the Himalayas with Shiva, and then suddenly jumped into your houses. Number 59. No, because many people complain to me that their wives don’t let them go. And every time he goes on retreat, she raises hell at home. So I was laughing, I said what kind of husband is this? Can’t even take care of a wife. And how can you take care of the country? How can you do anything else? And not to talk about becoming a Buddha and saving sentient beings and all that. You make me laugh. Saving sentient beings. Save yourself first.
Alright. Number what? Fifty-eight? (Fifty-nine.) Fifty-nine. OK. Number 59: “One of the ways of concentration is by simply looking into the blue sky beyond the clouds, then find the serenity.” Serenity within yourself. Some people do that. Well, sometimes you go on holidays. It’s difficult to concentrate because there’s so much going around in a holiday resort, too many people. And then the noise and the holidays atmosphere, and you just don’t feel like reciting the Five (Holy) Names, perhaps. And then you just lie there on the beach, and it’s difficult to have any concentration. OK then, you may look at the sky, but concentrate on that, and then you also will enter samadhi. Then, if you remember the Five (Holy) Names, it’s even better for you. And now, let’s go back to the business.
You see here, you’re so scared to sit next to the line. Now move up. Show immediate example of what you understood. Move. Now, whatever they did to you, you can do to them. You move up until they’re scared and run to the other corner. Why don’t you learn from anything? They’re trying to teach you how to advance in society. Now, you came here... I’m sorry to go back to the house business. It’s OK. It’s OK. Stay there. It’s alright. It’s alright.
Now you came here taking holidays or taking days off, risking your job, paying as much money if not more than they do. So what did you want? You want to see me. Right? (Yes.) You want to see me as much as they do. Right? (Yes.) Now you pay all this money, spend all this time, and squeeze yourself into some corner just because some long-haired fairy pushed you. How can you advance in society? You understand? (Yes.) You don’t bully people, but you do what is right. (Yes.) You don’t push them, but you just sit where you belong. That’s all. I don’t tell you that you have to push them, that was a joke only. But maybe you should show them. You know what I mean? (Yes.)
Whatever your rights, you stand up and get them! If you don’t ask for yourself, who will ask for you? Everybody is busy asking for themselves already, and everybody is scared to ask even for themselves. Who asks for you? (Yes, Master.) If you don’t fight for yourself, who will? I cannot protect you forever. I’m trying since the time immemorial. And it’s the first time I’ve even succeeded, just half, just because you don’t cooperate. I put the line here for you, but you sit over there. And so you cannot blame the women for advancing because they want to see me. You can’t blame them for wanting to see me. You can only blame yourself for being so cowardly, not getting what you want by your own rights. Nobody stops you. You stop yourself. You sit over there, and that guy dare not sit in front, so he sits over there, and that guy is even more scared, so he sits over there, everybody sits to the gate, and then comes home and says, “Oh, I wish I could have seen Master better.”
There was an Indian guy, just now on the retreat – an Indian guy, you remember? He covered himself all over, so you don’t know he’s an Indian, anyhow, but I know from looking at his skin, and he has a turban. He wrote me a long book of letters. Like I could print it into a book. I don’t know how he has time to do all this on retreat, I don’t know. But he wrote to me, he said, “Oh, I wish I could see You closely, personally, and touch Your lotus feet and all that.” Well, he could have done so. He could have sat just right here, or sat somewhere there, and when I passed by, he could have touched if he wanted to. But I always had to call him up, you remember? (Yes.) And then he complained that he could never see me close enough and all that.
This is his own problem. He knows every day we can sit here, or sit in the front there, or sit on the stage. He can push himself up. But no, I had to dig him out. You remember? (Yes.) I dug him out many times. I said, “Brother, why don’t you come up here?” And second time again, and third time again. And he wrote a long book of letters, complaining that he could never see me and talk to me personally. So who’s wrong now? Nobody stopped him. He himself. I even dug him out, but he was always sitting behind there, and then complaining. He wanted to touch my feet and all that. He could have done it a thousand times. I passed by all the time. I even had to come to him, and dig him out and talk to him, and ask him what’s wrong.
And you know what? That guy, he has a heart problem and many other problems. The doctor advised him, “If you go on the airplane, you might die in the air.” And he was so desperate to see me, he said he didn’t care if he died anywhere. The nearer he dies to me, the better. That’s why he risked his life to come here. And fancy that, sitting three miles down the aisles and complaining inside and writing letters and all that. He’s here, he doesn’t have to write letters. (Yes.) You remember? (Yes.) And I asked you all to come on the stage or here. I said, “Do you have any question? Do you want to talk to me?” And all your mouths are zipped up. And then he wrote a letter complaining. If your hand functions, why doesn’t your mouth function?
I don’t understand you men. That’s the problem with you at home. That’s why your wives don’t respect you. And you cause trouble by being too obedient, too weak. Don’t think, if you are a weak husband, an obedient husband in such a “nice,” stupid way, that your family will be in order. It’s not true, it’s not a way to make peace in the family. You just make it more of a mess, because you give your wife the opportunity to disrespect you and to climb more and more on top of you, and then everything is out of proportion. You must know where to stand and what to do in your family first, and then you can advance better in society.
Photo Caption: “The Sun shows the phenomenal shape of the cross, and the petals around it. Note that the surrounding of tree branches and leaves are very equal on all sides. So the Sun created this image for a purposeful message: ‘You are sooo flower-like pure.’ (All in the sky see through what we are!!!)”
Photography and caption-notes by Supreme Master Ching Hai (vegan) – June 19, 2026
