Come on, this is just a house. Wow, I feel better. It’s better, huh? (Yes.) Now, we can laugh. I love those things too but just to make the SM Celestial Clothes happy, and the Supreme Master TV, and the photo department happy. Now. OK, you got it? The next one is… I think I’ve told this story already. I’m not sure. In case you heard it already, you just laugh a little bit. Or boo in the middle, so I don’t bother to continue.
So, there’s a small cruise ship, going around from one place to another, and to entertain the guests on the cruise ship, there’s a magician. He’s been doing his routines every night for a year or two. The audiences love his tricks. And they (audiences) change over often enough, so he doesn’t have to make new tricks or anything. Always new customers, so he always does the same tricks all the time. However, there is a parrot(-person) who sits in the back row and watches him night after night, year after year. Probably the parrot(-person) belongs to the captain or something, and he stays with the ship, so he is a regular customer. He watches the same tricks over again and again and again. So finally, the parrot(-person) figures out how the tricks work and starts giving it away to all the customers, telling them what the punchline is. For example, when the magician makes a bouquet of flowers disappear, the parrot(-person) squawks, “behind his back, behind his back.” Or when he takes a rabbit(-person) out, then shows it to the audience, he says, “He hid it in his hat, he hid it in his hat.”
So well, the magician was really annoyed, but he didn’t know what to do. He’s sure, the parrot(-person) belongs to the captain. Look at that. I knew it all. So he can’t just kill it. You didn’t hear this joke before? (No.) OK. Good. So probably I told it to my attendants and then I thought, “How come, it sounds familiar already.” But I didn’t remember the whole thing. So, what happened is, one day the ship springs a leak and then sinks. Oh man! The magician managed to swim to a plank of wood floating by and grabs on. The parrot(-person) is sitting on the other end of the plank. They just stare at each other and drift around. They drift for three days and still don’t speak anything. On the fourth day, the parrot(-person) looks over at the magician, and he couldn’t bear it no more. So he said: “OK, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?” He couldn’t guess this time. It’s funny.
A man went to visit his friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog(-person). Oh, pardon. I don’t know why when I’m with you it’s like that, and in my room nothing happened. Have you ever heard me cough or do anything there? No, nothing. I give up. What did you do? You don’t have enough room here, honey? (I’m fine.) You’re fine? (Yes.) OK. Maybe you prefer to look at that guy and then me. You know, the Singapore couple, they always sit together. Even here, they manage to… Well, he doesn’t look too bad, I don’t blame you. No, no, honey, I’m kidding. You be comfy, don’t worry about me. I always pick on somebody. See how happy I make them when I pick on somebody except them. Don’t worry, I’ll pick on myself soon, so you will feel better. I pick on myself many times already when I wear those tight dresses, remember? And you laugh at them. That would be even already.
A man went to visit his friend and was amazed at finding him playing chess with the dog(-person). OK. The man watched the game and felt so astonished. After a while, he said, “I can hardly believe my eyes.” He exclaimed, “That’s the smartest dog(-person) I have ever seen in my entire whole life.” So, his friend shook his head and said, “Nah, nah, nah, he’s not that bright. I beat him already three games in four… Three games in five,” sorry. So, the dog(-person) won only two times, poor dog(-person). He’s not really smart, is he?
I check out on here. Oh, oh. I lost it. Ah, here it is. I found it. OK.
A patient asked the doctor, “What are your fees, Doc?” So the doctor said, “I charge $10 for the first visit and $5 for the second.” So the patient said, “Well, Doc, it’s nice to see you again.” As a second time! He tried to cheat. Already. “What should I do?” So the doctor said, “OK, take the same medicine I gave you last time.” Yeah, yeah. Who’s smarter, huh?
A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog(-person). So he said to the neighbor, “This is a talking dog(-person), and you can have him for only $5.” So, the neighbor was surprised and said, “Hah, who do you think you’re kidding with this talking dog(-person) stuff? There’s no such thing as a talking dog(-person).” Suddenly the dog(-person) looked up with tears in his eyes, “Please buy me, sir.”
He pleaded, “This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal. He never bathes me. He never takes me for a walk. I used to be the richest trick dog(-person) in Asia. I performed before kings. I was in the army, and I was decorated ten times.” So the neighbor said, “Hey, he can really talk. Why are you selling him only for $5?” The seller said: “Because I’m getting tired of all his lies.” Oh, my God. He doesn’t capiche. Doesn’t care whether he talks or not. My God, what a stuff? What kind of people?
A patient called the doctor about 2 o’clock in the morning, “Doctor, I can’t sleep because I owe you so much money. You sent me such a big bill. I can’t pay it. It bothers me so much. I can’t sleep.” So the doctor said, “Why did you have to tell me now? Now I can’t sleep.” And the patient said, “And I can now.”
Another doctor said, “Ah, you are coughing better this morning.” The patient said, “Why not? I’ve been practicing all night.”
OK. This lion(-person) woke up one morning and felt very great. He felt so powerful that he went out, cornered a small monkey(-person), and roared at him, “Tell me, who’s the mightiest of all the jungle animal(-people)?” So the poor quaking little monkey(-person) replied, “You are. Of course, of course you are. No one is mightier than you.” So a little while later, the lion(-person) confronted a deer(-person) and bellowed out again, “Who is the greatest and strongest of all the jungle animal(-people)?” The deer(-person) was shaking so hard, he could barely speak, but managed to stammer, “Oh, great, great lion(-person), you, you are by far the mightiest animal(-person) of the jungle.”
The lion(-person), on a roll, then swaggered up to an elephant(-person) that was quietly munching on some vegetables and roared at the top of his voice, “Who’s the mightiest animal(-person) in the jungle?” At this, the elephant(-person) grabbed the lion(-person) with his trunk, picked him up, slammed him down, picked him up again, shook him until he was just a blur of orange and black. God. Normally, people say black and blue, no? OK. “A blur of orange and black.” And finally, threw him violently against a nearby tree. Oh, horrible. The lion(-person) staggered to his feet, looked up at the elephant(-person), and said, “Hey, guy, there’s no need to get so wound up just because you don’t know the answer.” What for get worked up so much? Oh, my God.
Mrs. Smith was suddenly ill in the night, and a new doctor was called to the house. After looking at her, the doctor stepped outside the sick room to ask her husband for a corkscrew. Taking the tool, he disappeared, but several minutes later he came back again wanting a pair of pliers. Again, he came back after disappearing for a few minutes while the patient was moaning with pain, and then he wanted something again. “I need a chisel and a mallet, quick.” A mallet. What is a mallet? (Mallet.) (Mallet.) What is a mallet? (A hammer.) A hammer. OK. (A wooden, big wooden, square wooden one.) I see, I see, the big one. OK. “I need a mallet and a chisel.” And the husband of the patient couldn’t stand it any longer. “What is the problem with my wife then, doctor? So serious?” So the doctor said: “I don’t know yet. I have to open my instrument bag first.” All the tools, he couldn’t open it yet. It’s so funny, isn’t it? You understood, right? Thank God. My English is not too bad. He’s been too busy opening the bag.
Johnny was having trouble with the toothache, so he visited the dentist. “If you extract a tooth, how much do you charge?” The dentist said, “Twenty dollars.” “What? Twenty dollars? Just for a tooth? It won’t take you a couple of minutes,” John exclaimed. So the dentist said, “Well, if you wish, I can make it longer.” I can take longer. I will do it slowly.
Photo Caption: “Sun Shines on the Hill Winter Is Not Chilled!”
